my ex-boyfriend and i were "officially" over last december. however, we were both weak and held on to the security of one another for awhile longer. i haven't felt his presence around me for long enough to know that he and i won't ever have another chance. and that's a good thing. i've been kind of waiting for this for awhile.
with that being said, i have been single for over a year. i've had my fair share of men during the past year or so, but nothing serious enough to qualify myself as in a relationship. i've met some great guys in that time (and with the good comes the bad, of course). at this point i just miss getting to know someone new. i haven't had a real date in far too long. a date where i want to go and i get nervous and the guy is a gentleman. man, why is that so hard to find?
after last night i'm sort of feeling this familiar sense of guilt. i felt this way the time i got erik too drunk to drive home so he had to stay the night and the time i had that threesome on the 19th floor of university towers. i'm afraid i'm manipulating situations to my own benefit so i receive the affection and attention that i need. in a sense, it's like i'm taking advantage of people when i can so that my emotional desires are fulfilled.
i never really knew i was so afraid of being alone.
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