last year at this time i found myself experimenting with a lot of things i had never experienced. coming out of an almost three year relationship, i figured i had a lot of living to do. new years eve 2006 was the first time i ever tried coke.
the following month, i found someone who was about as lost as i was. the only difference is that he had a lot of drugs. i had known joel for about a year and a half as he had dated one of my friends (with whom i was much closer when she met joel). however, this newly forged friendship which centered around his coming over and us doing lines off of my coffee table for a week straight between the hours of midnight and 5am was a whole new side of joel i had never seen.
in terms of friendships, this one happened very quickly. i'm sure it was the drugs talking but after he'd leave we would then stay up another hour and text one another about how much fun we were having spending time together.
joel confided a lot of personal information in me. like i said previously, i'm not here to air another's dirty laundry. however, one thing joel brought up to me was his sexuality. he spoke openly (after about line #03) about his appreciation for the male form and one night he told me he really wanted to spend a night together.
i remember coming to terms with my sexuality. and i remember at the time all i wanted was someone i could turn to and begin to experience this new lifestyle. and i saw myself given the position to be that person for somebody else. how could i say no?
that weekend, after a long night of partying, my friend kristi was passed out in my bed and joel gave me a call around 4am. i had spent the night drinking so by 4am i was fairly sober and in no position to fool around with anyone. however, joel was adamant about coming over even after i had explained that kristi was here face down in my bed.
when he got here, we talked in my kitchen for a minute where he kept putting his hands on my waist before he led me to my sofa, sat me down, and kissed me. and he was a good kisser. and the next thing i knew we were having sex with kristi about five feet away. i'm not sure how much i actually wanted to sleep with him. part of me did, another part of me thought it was way to much a scene out of a movie not to, and yet another part of me wanted to do it because my ex-boyfriend was attracted to joel and it felt kind of good to know i was doing something he'd never do but had always wanted to.
he didn't come and could barely even stay hard since he was so high. after he asked me to blow him (to which i declined as he had just been inside me), he got dressed and left.
joel and i didn't talk for a few days and i finally texted him one night making sure he was okay with what we had done. joel's only response consisted of, "i hardly remember."
i let it go at that point. the timing was kind of good since i really didn't need a nasty drug addiction inhibiting my everyday life as it had been.
i saw joel a few times after that. he tried to fuck kristi last summer and that was kind of odd to watch. one night last spring he tried to come over but i politely declined. he's now overseas and won't be back here until i'm long gone.
the situation between joel and myself is back in my life because i believe my friend whom he dated prior to our encounter may know. during the fall i made the drunken mistake of telling her current boyfriend dustin about joel and i during a vulnerable time in which i felt he really needed to hear it. it helped to alleviate some issues he had been dealing with. and at that point dustin was one of my better friends and i was willing to sacrifice something very personal for his well-being.
during high school as i was coming into my own i remember being outed by a guy named jason to some of my friends before i even had the chance to tell them. it did a number on my psyche and i swore to never out someone before he was ready to do so himself. (it's sad because jason was my first real crush on a boy as well. though some four years later i found jason outside of the bar and he was convinced i was going to take him home. tangent, sorry.) however, i was feeling mildly vengeful since joel had blown me off so quickly after our time together so i let it all out to dustin.
so in sum, i'm currently waiting for my friend to approach me about sleeping with her ex-boyfriend and when she does i'll have no idea what to say.
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